today,

KINGSTON HATES EVERYTHING.
He whines at all of his toys and just wants me to walk him around. where?? where does he need to go??? THE APARTMENT IS SO TINY. I CAN ONLY WALK BACK AND FORTH SO MANY TIMES!! PLEASE START CRAWLING SOON, I WILL GLADLY WATCH YOU CRAWL LAPS AROUND THE APARTMENT ON YOUR LITTLE CHUBBY LEGS.

the end (: .

July 20, 2011

Today I read an amazing blog from http://goodmorningvietmom.com/ and it inspired me to write my own blog (or continue it) about motherhood and what God is teaching me. I should preface this by saying a lot of the time I have no idea what I'm doing. I've read tons of books and keep myself in the know about what to expect and do but as most mom's will tell you what works one day doesn't always work the next. So I tend to try to just go with the flow and trust my instincts as a far as parenting goes. I am just discovering everything for the first time and wanted a way to share what I am learning. Maybe it can help someone else. If anything it will help me just by simply getting my thoughts down. The trials and triumphs of my life with a baby which has turned my life UPSIDE DOWN but has also brought me more joy than I ever knew could exist.

Today, for example, was the first day I really heard Kingston laugh. My heart about burst and my eyes welled up. I had never experienced quite a feeling like that. That sweet innocent sound coming out of my favorite little person in the universe. It was magical.

Many times, however, I find myself praying to God for patience and wisdom while I try to stop my body from overheating as I walk around a screaming, tired baby asking Jesus to please let him go down for his nap. Like I said, what works one day...

Patience and peace are my top prayers lately. Peace of mind that I'm doing the right thing by Kingston and patience to be able to calm myself down and be wise about my decisions. I'm trying to read my Bible more, since I haven't been getting much of the word lately. I can't even remember the last time I got to sit through a whole church service. I'm sure I was pregnant. There are a lot of things I should do but I find myself being so tired that in the free moments I do have I just want to veg out. But I'm determined not to let that consume my free time anymore.

There are a lot of things I am trying to better, starting with the above. I know if I ask God he will help me. So here is the start of a very honest, little blog pt. II about my life raising Kingston.

The baby bun is here!!!

I found this on my computer, I wrote it just 5 days after Kingston was born.  Hard to believe that was 6 weeks ago! That was such an overwhelmingly emotional week. You just get flooded with this incomprehensible amount of love that just takes over everything! This overwhelming love for my son, and a new, incredible kind of love for my husband. You think you love someone with all your heart to begin with and then you have a child together and it just takes it to this whole new place. So incredible.

Kingston is such a joy to my life, my heart and soul <3 I have such an amazing little family of 3, it's the best thing in the WORLD. Anyways, here was my blog:



"Oh my word. I am writing this now with my little boy napping ever so sweetly ON MY CHEST. What an amazing amazing feeling.

I can't believe he's actually here. Kingston is 5 days old today. He is the most amazing, wonderful, perfect little human being and I am soooo in love and HAPPY. baby blues? I am ecstatic!  My life is already so much more enriched because he's in it and Chan and I are literally so overwhelmed with love for him. 

Now that he's here, seeing pictures of my pregnant belly give me so much joy. So that's what was in there. That's who I talked to and rubbed and carried with me. Who kicked me and squirmed around night and day. What a miracle.

He is so precious to me. I could not love anything more. I am so so so incredibly thankful he's healthy and happy and blessed with this amazing family of mine.

What a perfect little life I get to take care of. What an AMAZING and supportive husband I have, and what an incredible, loving God I live for.

I feel blessed beyond measure. God is SO good. My life feels so complete <3 "

Reading through this blog again I can't help noticing how many times I use words like "incredible, amazing, joy". There just aren't enough ways to completely and effectively describe how having Kingston has changed my life in such a great way. I remember writing it I was searching for a way to express how utterly perfect and wonderful it felt like and I just couldn't find the words. 

I love this life God gave me :) I could not be more thankful or happier for the way things turned out. 

My due date

is in a week! holy smokes, the next time I go on this thing I could have a little baby in my arms <3

I think my guess was March 15th. That would be Monday! wow.

IT'S ACTUALLY ABOUT TO HAPPEN!!

I can't wait for Chan and I to be a family with our new little boy (:

excitedexcitedexcited.

pray for us!

I JUST WANT TO HOLD MY BABY!!

I cannot stop thinking about that. I can't even imagine how incredibly amazing it will feel to have him in my arms. To finally be able to see him and hug and kiss him. What does he look like?! 15 days until due date.  It's march. It could be ANY day. I keep talking to him and asking him to come when he's ready (preferably that day) but he's too cozy in my belly, so I'm just waiting.  I have been getting sick more recently, and feeling some contractions. and the doctor gave me some great news about how I'm progressing :) So that's exciting. It just makes me more anxious for the day to be here already.

COME ON LITTLE BABY  
we want to meet you already <3

Ultrasound #2

So my second ultrasound was today.  The little man is in prime position for birth! He looked so incredibly squished though, you could only see little parts of him.  like his foot, ear, and part of his face.  The sonographer said he's about 5 lbs 12oz so basically 6 lbs which is right on schedule.  He's just about 3 weeks away from due date, so any day now he can come!

Oh and we've pretty much settled on a name. But we're keeping it quiet in case we change our minds last minute, which wouldn't surprise me..

So that's the update for now (: Just patiently (or trying to) waiting for when he's ready and praying for a safe delivery.

It takes a village

I was just thinking about this today,

I'm sure it takes a village to raise a baby, but heck it takes a village just to HAVE a baby.  Seriously so thankful and blessed for all of the support and generosity from family and friends.  I don't know how anyone could do it on their own.  From the clothes and the gear to the advice and just daily help (you know, things like grabbing something for the pregnant girl so she doesn't have to painfully waddle over and get it), THANK YOU!!!

I am so blessed with the greatest family, friends, and church family and it makes me so happy (:



And on a separate note, I feel like I'm joining a special club of moms.  Other moms are just more open with me, even if I don't know them, and supportive and kind.  It's kind of cool.  So thank you random strangers of motherhood as well! Can't wait to have this little guy to be officially part of the group.

2/9/11

Lately I've realized when I talk to my friends about being pregnant I only mention the bad stuff.  I think that's because no one ever told me about the aches and pains that come with it. I mean, I knew it would be uncomfortable, but I've had a really tough pregnancy so I was kind of caught off guard.  I didn't know morning sickness could last all day for eight months straight!

But there's so many great things about being pregnant, and I don't talk about them enough.  You're making a little person! That's amazing. I can't even wrap my head around what my body is doing and that he's going to be a little piece of me and Chan. And thinking about what he's going to look like and be like is so exciting. It's THE most exciting thing I've ever experienced. I am so in love with this little guy and I haven't even met him :)

So while I moan and groan about not being able to turn over in bed or get up without pain, I would do it a million times over again just to have this little boy growing inside of me.  Taking care of him is the most important thing to me and I will never regret that. It is going to be so incredible to have my own family. I'm soooo ready for it.

Vegetarian?

**update**

Maybe this will be my food blog too?

My first vegan meal starts today for lunch. I had...

-some hummus
-with pita
-soy chips
&
- a banana

It was yum.

For dinner I'm making veggie burgers on pita with green onions and mustard
and maybe some puffins cinnamon cereal with banana pieces for dessert.

This is kinda fun..

*--------------------------------------------------*




Today is my official start to vegetarianism!

Why? I've been eating pretty vegetarian throughout this pregnancy because I can't have lunch meats and most of the organic lunch meals I get are all vegetarian and I haven't minded it in the slightest, so I know I can do it. Obviously there's a lot of health benefits to it to and also because of the meat industry and the way they are run. I'm all for free range chicken and grass fed cows but that's so hard to find so I'm just cutting it out entirely. Watch food inc. and you'll see exactly what I mean about the meat industry being just nasty and shady and downright disturbing. No way am I supporting them by giving them my money.

 I just ordered a vegan cook book too that's supposed to be really good. I'm really excited to try it out.

The only thing is, I think I may still do seafood. I don't have any issue with fish, shrimp, clams, etc.  Oh and eggs.

I don't know what you'd call it, but it's pretty much just meat.  And don't worry, I'm still going to be getting loads of protein for the baby whether it's tofu, beans, or whatever. The baby's nutrition is not going to suffer from this decision. I love hummus and falafel and all that god stuff.

I'm really excited about this though. Can't wait to try out all these new foods and see if it's something I can realistically (pocketbook wise too) do.

Here goes :)

A poem

This is a poem I wrote for my creative writing class about pregnancy. It got good feedback from my classmates (:



I feel my belly move
it's a baby that's awake
it carries it's own groove
like a drum that makes a quake

I hear the little heart
as it swishes to and fro
like an ocean wave part
always fast and never slow

I see him kick about
through my skin they go
like mountains poking out
it's my baby, this I know

I never thought I could feel so cramped inside my own body.

Just sitting for a half an hour or so makes my ribs sore and I feel like I need to just layout and STRETCH. And he's still got over a month left to double in size. Well, that's if he turns out to be a 8 lb baby. The doctor said she thinks he'll be on smaller side because Chan and I are kinda small haha I'd rather a tinier baby than a big one though! ouch.

I was thinking the other day of all the things I'm going to do with him and I can't wait! He is going to be so incredibly loved by his mom and dad <3 I can't wait to find out what his interests are. I know that will take a few years but I'm so excited. Dinosaurs? Astronauts? Painting? Animals? I don't care what he likes (as long as it's safe). I know I'm always getting excited and interested in something, buying some books and learning about it, and then changing my mind. So if he's anything like me there'll be a lot of that (:

I'm just so excited. Just to meet him! Even though I know him already.  I know when he likes to wiggle the most during the day, I know what song gets him kicking, and how he sometimes likes to punch to a beat. But I want to know what his laugh sounds like. What his smile looks like. The shape and color of his eyes and to see his little hands make a fist.



Oh March
please, please come soon.

What Week 31 Has Brought Me

- Intense shortness of breath! Sometimes it feels like my lungs have shriveled up and I can't get a good inhale OR exhale. It feels like I'm rolled up in a tight ball. It happens randomly too, it's really strange. and not at all comfortable!

-A little anxiety. The baby could be here (and be full term) in just FIVE WEEKS. That's insane.

-Nesting. And by nesting, I mean buying baby clothes. Baby gap has all of their winter stuff on clearance which is perfect because that's what I need for his newborn stuff. I got the cutest one piece fuzzy bear coat with a bear hood/ears and paws <3 I love it. That's what he's wearing home (over his coming home outfit, which is equally adorable).



Yikes, 40 weeks is coming up fast.
I can't decide if I want it to speed up or slow down..

:)

Look at those strong baby kicks!!

Today

food

Breakfast:

pb & j and lots and lots of organic milk :d

Lunch:

-Mixed greens

1 squeezed lemon, olive oil, salt and pepper, 1 garlic clove

-Hummus

whole wheat pita bread

-peach fruit cup & a capri sun (natural)

it was gooood. except I put a little too much lemon juice in my dressing haha it was so sour, and I like sour. 

I spent the morning doing homework, editing my baby registry, and looking up wall designs for nurseries and different themes. I haven't picked one yet.. I really like this 

 for behind the crib or something. I like the forest-y simpleness of it. 

but I also like more baby stuff like this:

but it's kind of difficult when I don't know what letter his name will start with yet... I love the A, E, I, O, P and W. They're so cute.

Tonight Chan and I are going to see BB King in Canada! I like jazz (: and the baby will get to hear some too. Can't wait.

Have a good weekend!



-Jessi

->

my little mans favorite :]



- Jessi

The Dilemma

Sitting in my freezer currently is a beautiful tub of hot cocoa marshmallow ice cream.
It's amazing.
It is more than half full and at the perfect softness and I want to eat it SO BADLY.  This wouldn't be such a problem if I wasn't trying to make sure the little guy gets only the best, healthiest food day in and day out. and normally I wouldn't even have such a delicious, fattening treat in the apartment to tempt me except that it was brought over by a guest.

And I had a bite earlier. bad idea. Now all I can think about is that chocolatey goodness.

ughhhhgdufkhjkfdhsk

what am I supposed to do, munch on some carrots?

Hurry up little baby so I can EAT!

feast your eyes world.

You know what's fun?

The baby's at that stage now where he can hear and react to outside noises which is really cool.  I like getting my laptop or ipad in the morning, opening my pandora to a Bach or Beethoven station and setting it by my belly. When it first starts playing he kicks a couple times :) Maybe it surprises him or something. I think he likes it.

I have been stranded at home while Chan works the past couple of days because our other car is being fixed. There's not that many things to do in a tiny apartment...
Lately I have:
-done all my homework as soon as I get up
-watched gossip girl season one
-taken lots of naps
-read
-yoga'd
- and browsed all sorts of baby websites (especially name ones)

However, speaking of baby name sites, those suck.  After 10 minutes of looking at names they all sound the same. I would appreciate some name suggestions! Just not in person, because then I would have to say if it's ugly or not.. so leave me a comment and let me know :) creative ones! No joshes or davids. Not that those aren't nice names, I just want something a little different..

And this is cute.

10 weeks to go

Actually, 9 weeks and 6 days to be exact. But who's counting...

let's see, I'm 7 months pregnant and finally in my third trimester and here are the pros and cons I'm realizing of that

pros:
-10 weeks left. seriously? that's so soon! I get to meet him so. soon!
-baby shower (: (: = baby gear = (: (:
-yes, I'm pregnant. I don't look like I just had a big lunch anymore
-little boy kicks when I sing now

cons:
-10 weeks! OH MY WORD the nursery is not done, I haven't finished my natural birth book, and hey, probably should go tour the hospital labor and delivery floor and plan our route...oh and picking a name would be nice
-getting kicked in the bladder is as awful as it sounds
-sleeping through the night is no longer possible
-i'm huge
-braxton hicks contractions... ow


It's cool to be able to feel his little body parts through my belly. Like his butt, which frequently sticks out, and his head. He sure likes to move a lot. 10 weeks is too long, and too soon all at the same time.


Currently I'm at the studio with my husband while he records someone. We've been here since 11:30 and let me tell you, it has not been a super comfortable day for me. Carrying 15 pounds in your belly and staying comfortable in an upright chair for 5 hours is not real. But this evening is all up to me (:  and I've decided I want to make oatmeal raisin cookies. But not just any oatmeal raisin cookies, Paula Dean's LOADED oatmeal raisin cookies. mmmm :d I'm just gonna adjust the recipe a little though... no all spice, no cloves, no nutmeg, and no ginger please. so maybe they won't be that loaded haha but they will be tasty.



This is my studio game face -->

also, it happens to be my new short hair

On the agenda tomorrow:
-church
-homework
-learning some more french. or thai. or latin. whichever rosetta stone I'm in the mood for
-RELAXING



Hope you all are enjoying your Saturday,

Jessi